This Journal is now Friends-Only

i just went through all the condoms i had in the rubber duck and threw out the expired ones.... EXPIRED ONES!

i had them unused for so long that they expired!

that's seriously really depressing

i forgot to mention that there were good looking boys everywhere today for some reason. there were at least 2 every place i went.

i was nuts,i think the fates are taunting me.

so i just got in from work and there was old,solidified milk that some how had flown from one side of my room to the other and all over things. it was dried and everything. i just spent so long cleaning it and i still don't think i got it all. oh my god, it was so gross.i hope my room doesn't start to smell like sour milk now.

but anyways, work was tolerable today... before hand i went and spent all my money on art supplies,underwear,comics,and food. i have about 40 left,i think.although i was hitting myself because i bought 3 issues of this comic called "the witching" but then when i got to south street the comic store there had almost everything i had been looking for for months. and they had all the trade paperbacks of kabuki. i almost died right there in showcase comics.and they were right next to the trade paperback of squee! i wanted to scream.and they had filler bunny!both issues!

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i need lots of money to spend on comic books now!

if they had the 2nd devi i think i may have shit myself.

but i am now officially collecting rogue,all of jhonen's stuff,kabuki,dreary and naughty, and the witching.

being a geek is fun but draining on the wallet.just like being an artist, or having to eat.

but yeah... back to work. i was a little uncomfortable at work for a short period of time when jason was being all fun and awesome with the new girl so i thought maybe that he was just cool til the next cool person came along.but when she left at 9, shortly afterward jason was talking to me and being partially the way he usually has been with me. so i think in a few more days of working with him everything will feel cool to me again.but yeah,despite that the new girl is really cool. i approve of her.there is one more new girl that hasn't started yet. i hope she is equally as cool.

haha this is completely out of context because the whole story wouldn't be as funny in type but the important part was that pete said i had a cute butt today,lol.

i need to say something soon or i am going to explode (that happens to me sometimes,hehe).but i dunno if i should wait a little longer to see if he shaves his head and how he looks with said shaved head.but if this happens soon i am going to be sad because he took his hair out of the braids today and his hair was flat and long again. i swear to you i was so close to jumpin him right there in the store. i just dunno if those same emotions will be there if he lacks the pretty hair.but if he has the hair next time i close with him... i'm saying something on the walk home,or i am going to at least try to.

one last note: it will be officially a year since sex in about 3 days.


:::sighs:::

so life at moore has resumed itself and right now it's tolerable but who knows how fast it could become enough to pull one's paint filled hair out.i got paid yesterday so i got some supplies. i am going to get a few more today.i'll probably rule out what's not as important(although i think it all is,becuase all supplies are important.).so i am going to go out soon and get charcoal and photopaper and probably a few other things,maybe my italian books.

so i've been falling asleep at a somewhat early hour(for me anyways). i fell asleep at 1:30 last night and the night before... midnight! it feels so weird.
i'm getting enough sleep and i still feel tired. i don't think i'm ever going to win this fight.
:::sighs:::

so i just have this weird urge to pursue and act on this crush i've had on pete for a while. i'm a bit apprehensive about it because of how he and jason are so attached. and i know jason just got back from florida and all but the little while he's been back he hasn't been as talkative with me. but my level of chatting with everyone else has skyrocketed.although, reesha is leaving so thats sad but i am also happy for her because she has been here 4 years and is finally going to a job that is going to pay her what she deserves to be paid. but yeah, it feels like i'm new again with jason and i have to re-aquaint myself for some reason. i sort of silence up around him a little ,like i had just been hired, and i don't know why.well, i think i'm closing with him and pete tonight so i guess i can work on that. and maybe i'll get invited out again. although no one really goes out anymore jason and pete just go drink and smoke up at jason's place and then go to sleep.

oh i almost forgot, me and pete were talking about what he should do with his hair and i told him he was cute... that's a step! i figure i could work from there.

the one new girl gretchin is really cool. she's an artist as well and seems really awesome. we hired one more person who hasn't started yet. i hope they are equally as cool.


Poll #342267 pursuing pete
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 3

should i tell pete i like him VIA text message.

wow ..bloodhound gang is on the radio...

that blew my mind.

i mean it's the mammals song but still, it shocked me.

kind wish it was something older though.

old bloodhound gang is awesome.

its only midnight and i feel kinda tired, this is weird. i might go to bed...early!? wow. thats a weird thing for me to say. i was just kind of dozing off in my chair.

so i realized that i have been to lazy to get up and put on cd's and that my winamp keeps freezing my computer everytime i use it now so i have been listening to the radio a lot. surprisingly, i am not disappointed. y100 is kind of decent (most of the time). i am a bit surprised.

speaking of my shitty computer... kristy wants to go to king of prussia on my next day off (which is sunday by the way).and regina told me there is a MAC store there. i think i want to look into an I-Book.regina said that they have these loans you can get for your computer and then u make monthly payments. because i am so sick of my computer and PC's in general. i want a MAC like you wouldn't believe. i figure i could make the payments with my workstudy paychecks. because i am going to be saving and spending with my Mood checks.the only draw back is that i think you have to have good credit and my paarents may have potentially ruined mine without my consent. hence the lack of being able to get a college loan this year and having to ask a stranger. but if we go,i guess i'll just price around and see what happens.

so i whenever i talk to kate about how i am frustrated she tells me things like "lower my standards". and i usually just am like "eh, whatever" but i was thinking about it today and realized thats a horrible thing to say. my standards are high for a reason. because i want someone decent and not just anyone who will say yes. yeah it's been a year but that is because no one has been worth my time,no one has been good enough for me. if a guy thinks my standards are to high then they obviously don't reach them and are not worth talking to.i'm not in high school anymore where i would just like anyone that liked me and end up in these horrible situations. but i don't take back the fact that i used to be that way because i know better now. i know how i was then and how i am now and that the person i am now is so much smarter and stronger than the girl i was then. even recent crushes i had ceased because i realized how bad they were for me. and how much being with them would have made me feel low and hurt my esteem. i am way stronger than that. i don't need it. and as far as good karma is concerned ,hopefully, i'll be getting a lot of it next time i meet someone. i'll meet someone who is just all around amazing and it will have been worth having to wait a year. as for the frustration, a girl's best friend is her vibrator. any girl who disagrees probably doesn't own one and thats kind of sad. every girl should know her own body and odds are if she doesn't own a vibrator she doesn't know how her own body works.if any girl on my LJ friends list doesn't have one...come to my store,i'll hook you up with a bullet,lol.speaking of bullets, i think i am going to get the voice activated one. how amazing of a foreplay toy would that be?talking dirty is already hot, then add vibrations to the mix and it's just all around wonderful.

so speaking of work, i dunno if its me getting back into the school spirit, but i went around the front of the store and color coordinated/balanced almost the whole front of the store. although i don't think anyone cared. but i felt accomplished so i guess thats what matters.

NlCI L0VE: my classes start wednesday + full time job
klatty: haha funnnnn
klatty: busssy
NlCI L0VE: very,lol
klatty: heh eyah i feel yahj
NlCI L0VE: haha
NlCI L0VE: yeah theres no chance of me gettin laid now,lol
klatty: aww haha
klatty: id say well maybe ull find some boys at shcool but not in ur case heh
NlCI L0VE: haha yup... that is one thing this school lacks
NlCI L0VE: jeezy creezy, i work at a sex shop, i should be looked to as a goddess for christ sake!
NlCI L0VE: :::sighs:::

klatty: haha yah really u know what ur talking about
NlCI L0VE: exactly!
NlCI L0VE: somethin doesnt seem right,lol
klatty: haha
klatty: aww

so its almost 9:15 and i have yet to shower today. i feel gross but the comfortableness of my chair over powers my gross feeling.so here i sit. i have to go for clearance for classes tommorow morning so i can start classes on wednesday. i can't believe my first day of classes is my busiest day. but at least i know i won't have to pay attention in photography since i'm dropping the class. i just don't have the time for it,unfortunately.i didn't know i'd be having a full time job as well when i signed up for it.

so i almost sent pete a text message telling him i had a crush on him but since it was 3:30 am i ended up turning it off instead of sending it. it's probably better this way anyways. i need to see how i feel after he shaves his head.my subconcious didn't want me sending it, i guess,lol.

so i have to find some way to get home to the doctor to get more blood work and such so i figure that i would get my bloodsugar checked while i was there. i wanna be checked for being a diabetic. me and pete talk about our conditions all the time and mine sounds really similar to his. and he gave me glucose tabs to take whenever i feel light headed and can't get to food. yeah, they totally work.

so at work it's been ok but strange, regina talks to me more and jason has been talking to me less.he just got back from florida and has been a bit moody,and so maybe he'll be better next time i work with him. but then again i was also shunning people because i'm sick. i didn't want to hack on everyone and get them sick. so who knows? guess we'll see what happens next time.

linnea and kristy came down yesterday plus everyone moved back in. chesney is my neighbor now :-) . i'm so happy to have everyone back but so scared about overwhelming myself with work. so i am happy and sad about school starting all at the same time.

i made 3 new icons... i made 1 my default.. the other 2 you'll see next 2 posts,i guess.

i did a mega update of my art site...

go check it out, if you'd like ...

www.artconspiracy.com

RroseSelavy

so me and kristy walked around for a while. she got a skirt in which she haggled the price down 10 dollars and i got the 2nd issue of rogue. i also have 3 issues of squee on hold for tommorow after i ger paid. then i need to hit up trader joe's and i have to pay my rent (for the last time). oh yeah and we hit up salvataion army as well. we have some things to do tommorow before i go to work as well.

so me and kristy get back here around 5 and we ended up going on a 8 hour art purge. we didn't even realized so much time had gone by. but i did all the work i had been meaning to do all summer in one night. and kristy painted one as well. she wants to learn to paint so i was giving her a little tutorial. hopefully ther will be more lessons,i kinda liked it. but i was amazed at the amount that wa accomplished without even realizing how much time had passed. we were both in our zone so the time just flew by.it didn't feel like that long at all.

i'm wondering if i should post these peices somewhere and try to sell them. and if so,how much do i sell them for?

this is something i should find out.

and i think linnea is coming to visit on sunday. so that will be cool and gives me a reason to put the things i have on hold at work back..

because i don't need them and i could use that money to eat out with her.

so after i get the few things i have stated i need, that i all. no more spending til food with linnea and kristy.

oh and i got the coolest idea for a video peice the other day. i just need a video camera, a stand for it, a boy,a girl,and someone who can do video editing. it's to a mimsies song called "the ballad of nikki sixx" . both people are mouth the words and its going to be shot at two different times in two different places and it's going to be spliced like they are communicating and also to the beat of the song. the girl is going to have the camera looking straight at her and she is going to be in her underwear(preferably black) and freaking out and just going crazy to the song. the boy is going to be the opposite. his camera angle is going to be close-ups and on a diagonal and he is pretty much just going to be sitting there, i may have him move or get up every so often... i'd decide that if this really happens. and he is going to be in jeans and a tank top(preferably a white one)but it's going to be edited generally fast paced. especially closer to the end of the song.

i think it'd be really cool if it could happen.
i think i am going ask for a video camera for christmas to help the project along,lol.

I have furniture!

i spent tonight moving it around and rearranging and reorganizing everything. i am pretty satisfied with how it turned out although i have half the room i had before now. but it looks much neater and i am happy about that.and my desk doubles as a drafting table,it's pretty nifty.

i must christen this room this year or i might cry.

yeah so leslie had her review today and she did not walk out of the office afterward with the same feeling i did at all. my review took like 10 minutes..hers was like a 1/2 hour. reesha even told me that she had regina do it because reesha isn't good at doing the negative reviews. but seriously, leslie doesn't really do to much. i like her and all but she never leaves the counter and she bombed the product knowledge test.

so we got the jenna jameson book and i was skimming through it and it actually seems like a good read. although considering its long length and my hectic schedule i don't know when i'd get to read it.

but do i need it? i am starting to ask myself that question. i think i am going to put the stuff i have on hold back on friday because i don't need any of it. i should definately think before i buy. i have to fix my compulsiveness.i am going to significantly cut back on frivelous buys(or at least try anyways).

so after friday i don't have to pay rent anymore so i can start apartment saving.

i decided i am going to do my best to not ask for any help from my family this year. i am living on my own, i should be on my own.it's not like my family can really afford it or is even at all dependable anyways but i think there would be less arguements between me and my family if i just don't ask for anything anymore. i'll just let her put payments on the credit card (that it was her idea to have,i wanted to put it into savings). althoug she claims she never said she'd pay it off now. its so strange,my dad has become the reliable one(almost) and my mom is the one i can't seem to depend on now. the roles reversed. although i never fully depended on either of them. i never saw them as decent parents but they have their moments of positivity.but my dad is seriously out shining my mom right now and its almost eerie. and my sister agrees with me about mom for the first time in my lifetime. she is moving to NYC and my mother doesn't want that so she is being unreasonable to renee as she has somewhat always been to me. as strange as it sounds because of this my sister and i have seem to have gotten closer. guess there are positives in every negative.

"So rudeboy, Check it out i'm really tired of you.

you know why?

You think your somethin'
I think you got somethin' to prove" - The Mimsies

i was right... i most definately have been pre-menstrual this week. this realization happened today when i got in from work.which explained why i felt so drained and weary all day. i ate a whole hoagie and still felt light headed.i was wondering why that was. work has been going ok. i've felt more confident lately when it comes to what i am doing. i had my 3 month reveiw today. reesha said i am doing good but i need to work on being more sure of things. she says i know my stuff i just need to be more confident about it. i also need to be told things twice sometimes and need to not be told to take the trash out,oh yeah and i need to jump on transfers faster. she said she has seen an improvement in my insentive even this week and that i improve a little bit every week. i know i still have my rough edges but i think most of them should be smoothed out by the 6 month reveiw.hopefully, anyways. and learning to be more confident in myself is something that i should work on in my everyday life as well.

on another work related note, me and pete have become much more communicative at work within the past week. i think since that night we hung out at jason's. and i think we've found a bond in our bloodsugar disorders. it's weird,but i most definately don't mind it.

i am very much ok with it,lol.

so class starts in 1 week and 1 day. how insane is that? i am going to attempt to be full time at the mood but if i get to overwhelmed reesha said i can get less hours. but for now i am going to see how long i last before i keel over and die. who wants to time how long it will be until i run myself into the ground?bets anyone?

i have to wake up at like 8am to be at work at 10. i am working with one of the creepy higher ups. i hate working with him. he's so...well... creepy!

so i found out that there is a train at 30th street station that goes straight to NYC. so i can go visit my sister and vice versa. and she said that since my mom is being dumb and cause i have no food she might be able to give me like 20$ tommorow. i just have to call her tommorow morning with my account number.hopefully, she can because i have to get betty crickets. we both have to eat,lol.

i have rediscovered my Mimsies CD only to discover that their website is gone and so are they. this saddens me because they were so talented.and they were so awesomely high energy when i saw them. you never expect that from the teeny tiny stage at warped tour.but i want lyrics and i can't find them anywhere.

i have to go get my laundry and then i should probably get to bed. i actually feel tired now.how strange is that?lol

i finally got a fridge this morning at 10:30.after asking for 3 days straight.and friday i'll have all of my furniture,which is a plus. i justam going to have to figure out how to set it up or even if i have room for them.i have a pretty good rough idea of where everything is going to go as long as the furniture is the size i beleive it is. here's hoping,i guess.

work was frustrationg yesterday because it was full of just some really really dumb people asking really really dumb questions.and then there was this one woman who was in the store way past closing, we think she was hyped up on something.but we got out super late because of her.

i got the most random question so far working at this job, yesterday.this woman asked me why she can't have an orgasm and then started telling me her sexual history and she asked me if she should see a doctor and if something was wrong with her. i told her to talk to her boyfriend about it,in so many words.

so last night me and pete hung out at jason's. the odd thing is that jason wasn't there. jason is in florida for a week. but we were so tired from the crazy work day that we just sat there for hours and talked about the most random shit. he added pot to his doing nothingness. i just sat there. but it was kinda cool in a "hey i like doing nothing" sort of way.

well everything is moved in and organized. all i need is my desk and dresser. and i was supposed to get my fridge yesterday and then they told me first thing this morning,but do i have one yet? no, i do not! i have to charge over there now and cross my fingers that someone is at the door of the dorm because my ID disappeared in the moving process.it's completely vanished.i searched pretty much every inch of the room.it sucks,i really could've used that ten dollars on something much better,like food.

me and kristy have spent the past few days either doing stuff involving my room, like moving and organizing or we've done nothing. that was fine too,lol. although we did take kristy to get her paycheck at PAFA. and then went to eat thai food at reading terminal market. it was quite good. so then we wondered around more.

and since there is a pool table downstairs i have been practicing,lol. i'm still not good but i'm better than i was. who wants to come over and play? and anyone who knows me well knows about my affliction for a cute boy bent over a pool table to take his shot. hehehe . its so0o0o0o0o hot. i need invite cute boys over to play pool,lol.

ok time to go shower

waterby Jason Mraz
The eye of the storm meets the eye of the mind sending it spinning
Spinning not knowing which way is up not knowing which way to go
The eye of the mind blushes in lust of all the answers for years of tears, years in fear...

Oh the bitter water; satiated, covered in salt
Keeping me afloat, moving me along
And I can see everything. I can see thru buildings...
All the shattered lives and the battered wives...
And everybody's hypnotized by the dancing light
TV sets making everybody go blind.

And I can see thru you.
And when I look inside I know...

That you are living in a fantasy world taking your time, running your mind on low
And you are living in a fantasy land holding nobody's hand but your own
I said, "I can see everything"

One drop of rain that's me and all the rest is you
Who shook these trees? Let me guess did they come in two's?
When you're dealing with the fruits of the universe
You shake that apple tree, life deals you an orange, either way you're cursed

Oh the bitter water, satiated, covered in salt
Keeping me afloat, and always moving me along


It's keeping me on top of the water
Keeping me on top of the world
Keeping me on top I'm looking out

just to see what everything is all about

and I know where it is... just don't know exactly what it is...



all this have to dodge all my stuff top get 2 feet away is getting quite irritating.i can't wait til i have a room and can put everything away and sort it and such. i'm looking forward to organizing my room,lol, i'm such a nerd.i'm just getting sick of living out of a box. the thing is that i am working 2 to 9 tommorow. so when is everyone supposed to help me move? they arn't going to do it at night are they? i'll either have to hope they help me at night or wake up really early in the morning and try and do it before i have to leave for work at 1.

i have this terrible knot in my back. i need a massage like you wouldn't believe.

i am waiting for my dad to put money in my account so i can go food shopping and i also have to get over to the other building to pay my rent. i can't seem to will myself out of this box right now,lol
i'm dressed and everything ,i don't know why i can't. just to lazy,maybe?



ok just made plans ...sorta,lol.

"downfall" by matchbox 20

Wonder how you sleep
I wonder what you think of me
If I could go back
Would you have ever been with me
I want you to be unused
I want you to remember
I want you to believe in me
I want you on my side

Come on and lay it down
I've always been with you
Here and now
Give all that's within you
Be my savior
And I'll be your downfall
mmm, mmm, mmm

Here we go again
Ashamed of being broken in
We're getting off track
I wanna get you back again
I want you to trouble me
I wanted you turning down
I want you to agree with me
I want so much so bad


Come on and lay it down
I've always been with you
Here and now
Give all that's within you
Be my savior
And I'll be your downfall
mmm, mmm, mmm

Yeah, be my savior
(Only love can save us now)
(Don't lay me down)
(Only love can save us now)
I'll be your downfall (I'll be your downfall)
(Ah, love can save us now)
(Don't save me now)

Lay it down
I've always been with you
Hear me now
With all that's within you
Be my savior
And I'll be your downfall
mmm, mmm, mmm

Now I'm back on my own
Hear my feet, they're made of stone
Man, I make you go where I go
Well hell, you, can I take you home
Well, I'm coming home on my back
Kissing me, your lips painted black
Saying Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh
Let me be your downfall
Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh
Let me be your downfall, baby



"wake up" by alanis morissette

You like snow but only if it's warm
You like rain but only if it's dry
No sentimental value to the rose that fell on your floor
No fundamental excuse for the granted I'm taken for

'Cause it's easy not to
So much easier not to
And what goes around never comes around to you

You like pain but only if it doesn't hurt too much
You sit... and you wait... to receive
There's an obvious attraction
To the path of least resistance in your life
There's an obvious aversion no amount of my insistence
could make you try tonight

'Cause it's easy not to
So much easier not to
And what goes around never comes around to you
To you to you to you to you to you...
There's no love no money no thrill anymore

There's an apprehensive naked little trembling boy
With his head in his hands
There's an underestimated and impatient little girl
Raising her hand

But it's easy not to
So much easier not to
And what goes around never comes around to you
To you, to you

get up get up get up off of it
get up get up get up off of it
get out get outta here enough already
get up get up get up off of it

Wake up

How long do I last in bed? by DesideroAmor
Real Name
Birthdate (MM/DD/YY)
Favorite Color
Gender
Hours	4
Minutes	2
Quiz created with MemeGen!

today has been so painfully draining and stressfull but thank you to everyone that helped me today. you made it more bareable(sp).

so i was almost last for my meeting and ended up having to dish out 6 dollars to go to a meeting where i don't think anything of real solid value was said. everything reesha said we had to do, i already do.so therefore it was pointless. and then there's the whole moving fiasco. apparently no one was informed that the second floor lacked furniture of any kind and did not know that that is where i am residing. so i am all packed and i go in with my first load of stuff and come to a completely barren room. so what i ended up doing was recruiting kristy, her friend jeff, and craig to help me pack up and move all of my belongings into a commuter hotel room until wednesday when my bed will arrive. there would have been more but the truck with the rest of the furniture got into an accident and so i have to wait longer for that stuff. but at least i'll have something on wednesday. although i just remembered i am working 2-9,so i have no idea when i am actually going to have the res life people help me move in.so i could either do it really early or really late. guess we'll find out wednesday. so after moving a large amount of stuff into a tiny space and me wanting to break into tears and kill someone ,my mom arrives. today was her birthday so we were going out to dinner. there was an arguement before hand and it was all just very painful. she wants straight answers out of me about things like "how long" and "when" but she can never ever give me those answers when i ask her, so i am supposed to have these answers,apparently. and my brother was just a giant walking annoyance (as per usual). to think for once that my sister being there would have actually been a saving grace.that seems strange for some reason. but anyways, went and had dinner with a family friend. my mom and then spent the whole time playing catch up, my brother kept up his annoyingness,and my step dad and my mom's friend husband just talked. so i just kind of sat there eating my food counting the uneventful moments until i was back in philly. i don't remember the exact number but it seemed like an eternity.but anyways, while i was wandering around this restaurant parking lot by myself still counting craig called to verify plans for later. this killed a few moments which is good because i didn't think about how much i didn't want to be there for a moment. shortly after this we finally set off to leave and i had a headache from my brothers' irritating habits. i got a phone call from ashley during the car ride but it was so staticy that i couldn't understand anything she was saying. i just figured i'd look for her when i got back( i did but i couldn't find her :*( ). so yeah i finally got back and had to wait forever for my brother to use the bathroom and then i finally said good bye to the family and got a cart and gave craig a call. i needed to move betty. i've still got some stuff in the other room but i am going to get that tommorow and when i go back to clean.i don't have to much room for it right now,anyways. so we move betty and some other small things and then i spent the rest of the evening watching tv at craig's. doing nothing was seriously so great. i had never been so happy to be unproductive in the longest time.

but i am more drained ,both mentally and physically, than i have ever been in so long. i feel like i have absolutely no energy.

and to top it off i am opening tommorow so i have wake up quite a bit early,which means i should be sleeping right now.

but again... Thank you to all who helped me today. you guys helped keep me sane. i don't know what i would have done if i had to do all that alone.